Holy Nomenclature Batman

Category: Humour

I read an article in the Ottawa Citizen where the ‘F’ word was used unabashedly. How refreshing, I thought. After all, this is the way people talk.

It amazes me the contortions Christians go through to alter language in an attempt to be spared being smitten or having venial sins tallied against them.

Take for instance the number of ways God and Jesus’ names are modified:

- Gosh
- Jeez
- Gosh darn
- Gall darn it
- Jeepers Creepers
- Gawd-a-mighty
- Cripes
- Criminy

There is inequity in the language. Heaven is usually left alone but words relating to hell and damnation abound:

- Darn
- Dang
- Blasted
- Heck
- Blazes

There also aren’t that many expressions where Mary's name is invoked in a sentence unless it is used in the 'Mother of God' context.

For instance one never says ‘Mary I hit my finger with a hammer!’. Whereas one often hears things like ‘Mother of God I swear I'll leave you two by the side of the road if you don't SHUT UP!’

Mary must be thinking: ‘What am I? Chopped liver!’

It also seems that Mary cannot appear in a sentence without including the rest of her family. Take for instance the sentence ‘Jesus, Mary, Joseph and Donkey[1] what are you doing with that blow torch son?’.

Then there are all the expressions denoting Jesus ‘on’ something:

- Jesus on a sidecar
- Jesus on a crutch
- Jesus on a kangaroo
- Jesus on a pogo stick

I think it is high time we say it like it is! Gall darn right!’


[1] Rare